"9 Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Is Built to Last" Review

Stress is probably the biggest obstacle to your weight loss. Surprisingly, the root of change may need to start with your romantic relationship at home. Here are the top tips from the Livestrong article "9 Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Is Built to Last” to minimize your stress at home and maximize your focus in the personal training studio.

BE PRESENT


The best way to connect with those you love is by being present -- over and over and over again -- says wellness counselor Anne Parker. “Being present means fully engaging in what is being shared between you in that moment, truly paying attention to the thoughts, feelings, and actions you’re experiencing together.” Keep the television off as the two of you share dinner. Switch off your tablet or smartphone in the evening so you can spend time fully participating with your partner -- listening, sharing and experiencing the time you’re spending together. Parker adds that while this may sound obvious and straightforward, think about how often we let ourselves get distracted from truly paying attention. “Without engaged presence,” she says, “relationships quickly wither.”

Personal Trainer Wisdom: All relationships benefit from genuine, respectful interactions. In order to adequately do this, you must be present without a doubt. With the neverending distractions and demands from your professional and personal lives, you should really question what you currently offer to your partner. Are you carving out time to interact with him or her? No matter the length of time, are you fully focused on your partner when you spend time together? I’m admittingly often lured by my phone…we can always justify checking on emails for work, right? In an effort to minimize this habit, I’ve begun placing my phone to the side as soon as I walk in the door after work as well as flipping it over (with the sound off). In fact, Sammy and I usually hug as soon as we return home and then we discuss our day before the television is ever turned on (not an emoji hug). Although I’m not perfect, these little efforts add up. With my newborn son Preston joining the family, a refocus couldn’t be any more important. How can you be more present?

ACKNOWLEDGE THE POSITIVE


While we might have fallen in love with our partners because of their positive traits and qualities, everyday stresses and anxieties can make it far too easy for us to focus only on the negative. “Make sure you acknowledge what’s working,” says wellness counselor Anne Parker, “and give credit for the things that go well even in the midst of conflict.” Try to see that for every one negative feeling or interaction between the two of you, there are five positive ones. This five-to-one ratio, according to relationship researcher and author John Gottman, is typical of stable and happy couples. So instead of focusing on how you wish your partner were different, Parker says, “stay in touch with what you love about that person.”

Personal Trainer Wisdom: You need to continue to celebrate the best of each other and the love you share. All people (including me : )) love acknowledgment of the wonderful things they do or the incredible energy they share in the world. You can’t say enough. In a lifetime of imperfections, it is up to you to praise the best of what’s in-between…especially of what you identify in your partner.

NURTURE RESPECT


“Respecting each other means remembering that you are two different people, with different perspectives, histories, and ways of being,” says wellness counselor Anne Parker. In a paper published in 2000 in the American Journal of Psychotherapy concerning romantic love and its barriers, the idea of respect is equated to each person taking their partner seriously as a person. The article theorizes that in order to love another in the fullest sense, it is vital to understand and appreciate that your partner, like you, is “the conscious center of her own world, a fellow maker of choices, an entitled holder of rights, values and life goals and an experiencer of joys and sufferings.” Honoring those differences is just as important as valuing the similarities, Parker says. “We all want to be respected for who we are and what makes us unique.”

Personal Trainer Wisdom: This quote is worth repeating: Your partner, like you, is “the conscious center of her own world, a fellow maker of choices, an entitled holder of rights, values and life goals and an experiencer of joys and sufferings.” Do you keep this in mind while interacting with your partner? What assumptions do you make about him or her? Are you reacting instead of considering your partner's history and the root of his or her perspective? You are entitled to your opinion. In respect to your partner though, you should take the time to learn “why, what, when, who, how, and where” before passing judgment or making an assumption. Respect is best shown through your willingness to build effective communication. Ask the right questions and give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

BE CURIOUS


People want to feel that their significant other is interested in them and cares about what is important to them. Cultivate curiosity and interest in your partner. Don’t presume you already know all of his answers, motives, thoughts and experiences. Making such a presumption distances yourself from who your partner truly is, denies him the opportunity for expression and diminishes intimacy. “Make sure that you regularly create focused time to just talk, ask questions and share the thoughts and feelings of everyday experiences,” says wellness counselor Anne Parker. Curiosity breeds discovery, she explains, “and ongoing discovery about each other keeps the relationship vital and interesting.”

Personal Trainer Wisdom: Over time, your wisdom has evolved as a result of your experiences. You most likely have changed in a number of ways and it’s not fair to think that your partner has been static during the same length of time. Be curious. Explore how your partner experiences the world each day…you may be surprised to hear how he or she now interprets a situation or handles a challenge differently a second time. It’s a great opportunity to connect at different emotional and mental levels and it also opens the doors for additional communication and trust.

DON’T GET ATTACHED TO BEING RIGHT


When disagreements occur between you and your partner, don’t commit yourself so fully to the idea that you’re the one who’s right that you lose sight of what’s really important. “Getting attached to being right just creates barriers to resolution and productive action,” says wellness counselor Anne Parker. Most of the time it doesn’t even matter who’s right, she says. “What matters is how you connect, listen, discuss and create the most productive result.”< br>
Personal Trainer Wisdom: You should celebrate the best of life together and seek the best and most reasonable solution possible (together) when confronted with a challenge. There is, and never will be, any value in establishing who’s right or wrong…it doesn’t matter. If that’s your focus, shame on you. A relationship isn’t a game or a battle. You need to rethink your approach. Even if you’re not at fault you add fuel to the fire with this attitude. Sorry, drama queens and kings, I'm talking to you.

Photo Credit:
Elizabethnord.com–Does a real change start with your approach to your relationship?

Article Credit:

Author: Michael Moody Fitness with excerpt sourced from the article "9 Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Is Built to Last" on Livestrong.com.
"9 Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Is Built to Last" Review
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